Time

A few weeks ago, I blogged about one of my uncle's being admitted into the hospital.. A week ago, the post that I did which was titled "Unsure" was about him as well.. Last week, he was discharged from the hospital and was allowed to be taken home to his family.. Usually, people would automatically think that being discharged means getting better but in my uncle's case, the doctors said that they've done all that they could.. They told his family to just make sure he be as comfortable as he possibly can..

My mom went back to Sarawak on Monday to be by his side as it was about a year ago that they last met.. My other family members were planning on visiting him when they go back at the end of the year for Christmas cuz for the rest of us, it's been about 6 years since we last saw him..

Anyway, my mom was supposed to come back today (or rather yesterday as it's already 2am here) but as she just checked in for her flight, she received a call from my cousin (my uncle's daughter) who told my mom that my uncle just went into a state of unconsciousness.. Immediately, my mom canceled her flight and called me to inform me that she won't be coming home tonight but that she'll tell me when she'll come back.. Right now, everyone is basically just waiting things out for my uncle and hopes that he goes as peaceful as he possibly can.. For the past week that my mom was there, he was very weak.. He didn't want to eat, didn't have strength to do anything and most of the time, in pain.. He could barely remember things and even forgot a couple of his grandchildren.. He was, from the looks of things, not wanting to live anymore..

I didn't know what to say when my mom told me that.. I knew he would go sometime soon but I didn't think it was going to be this soon.. I still harbour hope that he might make it but I've seen this scenario before with my own grandmother who just before leaving herself, she didn't wanna eat and was weak.. It's like they've just had enough with this life and want to move on to the other side of it.. At this point, I'm just hoping that he goes peaceful and be free from the pain that he's been feeling for the past few years due to his sicknesses..

I'm a little lost for words now.. I've known him my entire life and most of my family members say I take after him the most.. They say that when I grow old, I'll prolly look like him.. hahaha.. =p I was pretty close to him as well but the last time I did see him was way back in 2003 when I went back for Christmas then.. Last year when I was back in Miri, he was in Kuching.. I guess that would have been the last time that I would have seen him.. I doubt that he'd remember me anyways, seeing that he even forgot his own grandkids whom he sees pretty often.. I don't expect him to remember his nephew whom he hasn't seen in almost 6 years.. All that's left of him are memories and pictures, whatever I have left.. I used to have quite a few in my old PC but it was all gone when it was reformatted.. Luckily, I still have the ones that were printed out..

It's not so clear cuz it's a scanned picture but that was the last picture I took with him when we were at the airport.. He's the oldest uncle that I have..

I guess everyone's time will come sooner or later.. His time is just about to come I guess.. =(

It's been a really emotional 2 weeks and I guess it's gonna continue on for a while longer.. I have a feeling, my phone will be ringing come tomorrow.. I hope I'm wrong but I just have this feeling..

Either way, this is to you uncle John.. I know that we haven't met in the past 6 years but for the times that we have, it's always been good fun.. =) you were always joking around with us and uncle Cornas.. But soon, you'll be reunited with your 4 other brothers whom I'm sure, you've missed terribly.. Be of good cheer and I hope that you've lived out a good and wonderful life.. Til we meet again.. =)

I think I'll end this here.. I can't really type anymore.. =( When things are better emotionally, I'll come back again.. =)

For those of you who have read the previous posts and said prayers for my uncle, I thank you a lot and blessed be all of you.. I appreciate it.. =)

Be of good health people~

Unsure

I prayed that it wasn't true.. I was always hoping that it wouldn't happen or that the day wouldn't come.. Sometimes you showed signs that it'll be okay, that everything will turn out fine.. Other days, it's like you're telling me to be prepared for it and that soon, you'll be gone..

But lately, it's been more towards not good rather than good.. Slowly, it's like I'm watching you walk to the other end of a bridge as I stand at one end.. As you walk, I long to follow but I just can't cuz I know that's not my place and I don't belong there, not yet.. I regret the times when we talked, we didn't talk enough or that I didn't say things that I should have said.. Maybe I should have made better use of those times, I know I should have but it's a little too late for that now, isn't it?

Although I don't want to admit it but it feels and it looks inevitable at the moment so I'll be preparing to say goodbye.. It hurts to have to be ready for it but at least I know I'll be more prepared for it when it happens.. My only hope is that it doesn't happen any time soon and that you'll be able to hold on just a while longer and to stay strong.. That's a little hard to do, I know.. But at the moment, it's also really hard to see you disappear into the misty clouds as you finally reach the end of the bridge.. It's not exactly something that I wanna see at the moment.. But when something is bound to happen, then I guess it will, sooner or later.. Plus, it's also better if it means that you be happy and not suffer anymore.. To see you be rid of the suffering is the only thing that can let me be okay with all of this..

If this is how it's going to end, I do hope that someday, we will be able to see each other again.. That our paths will once again cross with one another in the future.. =) and hopefully then, it'll be a much better reunion, don't you think?

As for now, it's still hard and it still hurts.. But I'll keep my chin up and try to smile my way through this, as painful as it may be..



I promise you that.. =)

Trying

I won't say I like it but I won't say I dislike it either but sometimes, it gets a lil frustrating when my brain goes into that overdrive thinking mode.. It's like, there are just some things that's on your mind which you would love not to think about until maybe much later or when the time is right but somehow, for some reason, you just can't seem to get it out of your mind no matter what you do or don't do.. It's constantly there and it's not nice..

Right now, I have something like that, that's on my mind and I don't wanna think about it right now.. I know it'll have to be thought about some time later but not now, definitely not now cuz it just pulls me down and if there's a place where I don't wanna be in my life, it's definitely down.. I've been down before, a couple of times and it's not a pretty place to be and I promised myself that I'll do whatever it takes to make sure I don't hit rock bottom again like I did before.. But it is weighing me down and maybe that's why lately, I've been trying to keep whatever free time I have, occupied.. Doesn't matter if it's with work or just simply doing something, anything to keep my mind from thinking about it.. It helps to also ease that feeling in my heart..

So far, it's been okay.. Haven't felt like I'll be going down like I did the last time and hopefully, it'll continue to stay this way and get better.. One thing that I'm not sure of is what will happen when the time to think about it finally comes.. My only hope is that it'll be thought about carefully and thoroughly and hopefully, the outcome will be what's best..

As for now, I'm just gonna let it be~

7 X 2 = 14

Still going strong.. =)

Happy 14 Months to my dearest Rae!!~ =) It's not yet 12am so it means it's still the 29th of October which means it's been 14 months since we got together.. Time definitely flies by.. One moment, we were just getting to know each other as a couple and the next, we've passed our 1st year and now, rolling on to the 2nd and to many more years to come! =)

Also, in less than a month, she'll be back for her summer holidays!!~ XD I can't wait to see her again and to hold her in my arms again.. It's been really lonely, these arms of mine.. hahaha.. I know I definitely won't be able to have her all to myself (although I would so love to! wahahaha) as she'll be spending most of her time with her family and then there's the catching up to do with her other friends back here as well whom she's not seen for over 10 months and also that maybe she'll be doing internships so yeah.. But at least she's nearer and easier to meet up.. Seeing her face to face, eventhough not on a daily basis sure beats seeing her on my monitor.. =p

Well, before that day comes, there are work to be done and other stuff to do as well which will most probably make the time pass by faster and make seeing her come much sooner as well!~ XD hehehe..

Til then, be of good health peeps!~ =)

Reason

It's 2 in the morning and I have some work to finish up but before I do that, I just need to let out some stuff here.. In life, we go through things, experience stuff and we learn from it.. Sometimes, we have plans and we want to follow it but sometimes it doesn't go according to plan.. But now I know that no matter what happens, that we have to continue to trust in God cuz He knows what's best for us, even if we think it's not good for us.. =)

I do thank Him for all that's happened in my life so far and especially what I have now.. I'm grateful for the people in my life at the moment and the things that I have.. People say that everything happens for a reason and I couldn't agree more.. Regardless of what happened or what is to come, it's because it's supposed to happen.. In the Bible, it says that no matter what happens, God will cause all things to work out for your own good, regardless of whether it's something bad or good at 1st.. But in the end, He will make it all good for you and I know things will turn out just fine.. =) That He has His own plans for us and that we should rest in Him and His works..

Right now, I'm taking nothing for granted cuz you'll never know what might happen so it's best that you make the most out of what you have, out of what's happening now and make it count! I know that's what I'll be doing and will continue to do..

As for now, my eyes are really starting to swell up so best I finish up my work and head to bed.. =) Til the next post, be safe~

A New Chapter

It's funny how at times, we feel as if everything around us is moving so slowly and at other times, we wish it could just stand still as it's moving a little too fast..

One minute, you're just starting out in primary school, looking forward to your 1st day as a standard 1 kid and the next, you're standing next to the girl of your dreams, getting ready to exchange vows and start a whole new chapter with her.. I felt like that when I was at my best friend, Julio and his wife, Beii's wedding dinner last Saturday night.. Yes, you read it right.. My best friend since baby, Julio is now no longer just a friend, a boyfriend but also a husband and in the next year, a father.. =)

It was weird, looking at him and his wife up on the stage giving their speech.. I mean, there stood a guy that I've known my entire life! We practically grew up together.. During our school holidays, we'd take turns staying at each other's place and just having fun.. Playing games, going out, chatting til the wee hours of the morning before going to sleep and waking up the next evening! hahaha.. And then, there I was, sitting on the chair, looking at him giving a toast with his wife.. It was an emotional night, definitely.. =) I felt happy for him.. He found someone whom he can share the rest of his life with and to be honest with you, I couldn't have wished for a better person than Beii.. She's a really sweet girl and someone who I know will take real good care of him and him to her.. I nearly cried that night! hahaha.. But I didn't.. =p even IF I did, it would be tears of joy~ I was really wishing Rae could have been there with me that night, would have made the whole night a whole lot nicer.. =)

Anyways, I'm too lazy to post up pics so just go to my FB account and view it from there la okay? haha.. (Sherry, if you're reading this, don't angry cuz still will have pics and it'll be relevant!~ =p) I will however, post up a couple of pictures.. =) heheehe..

With the newly weds

These pics were taken when the dinner was over already and that's why Julio looks like the way he does.. haaha.. But then again, he mostly looks like that la, so no difference really.. =p hohoho..


After 23 years of friendship, it's still there and still pretty strong.. Though much have happened throughout the course of years and distance has parted us slightly but we've come a pretty long way since these pictures, haven't we? =)


Since it won't be for a couple more years til I get married myself, it looks like your kids will prolly be much older than mine.. Maybe your 2nd or 3rd kid would be the same age as my 1st and then they could be best friends eh? hahaha.. That could still happen as we talked about when we ourselves were lil kids.. =)

You've got a whole new life infront of you now man.. =) You're a husband now so take on that extra role in the best possibly way that you can.. Then next year, you'll be the father of I'm sure, a really beautiful baby.. =)

Things will prolly be slightly different from now on, now that you're a husband and all but I can still see this friendship going on for a long while more.. =)

The next time I'll be feeling emotional on a wedding day, it'll prolly be on my own! hahaha.. *hints to a certain a girl in Aussie* =p And then it'll be my turn to be on the stage, standing next to my wife and giving our speeches.. lol..

A new chapter has started for Julio but I'm still on the same one.. It'll probably come to an end in a couple of years time.. Then I'll start a new chapter in my life as well.. =) But until that day comes, I'm pretty happy and satisfied with how things are at the moment and long may it continue~ XD

Please

My mom just got a call from her sister (my aunt) who is in Sarawak.. Their eldest brother (my uncle) was admitted into the hospital early in the morning today for Pneumonia.. The last time I someone who I knew had Pneumonia and entered the hospital, he passed away a week later.. I do not want my uncle to suffer the same fate! =( Not just that, my mom's sister in law was also admitted into the ICU today because she fainted.. She has a heart condition as well..

On the day when my best friend (Julio) is getting married, I received 2 of the worse news I could possibly get.. My family will be going back to Sarawak for Christmas this year and one of the main reasons for that was because my mom wanted to see my uncle again, the one who is in the hospital right now.. I pray that he will make it through this so that all of them will be able to spend Christmas together again.. I'm still not confirmed yet whether I'll be goin or not but I do wanna go and hopefully I can.. I would appreciate it if all of you reading this could give a prayer for my uncle and my aunt who are both in the hospital now.. Thanks! =)

Well, I do hope that everything turns out fine.. I would like to see my uncle again cuz I've not seen him for over 5 years now.. At least one more time.. Please..

Anyways, I gotta go get ready for a big night tonight.. =) Will try to post up pictures of the dinner okay?

You Lift Me Up

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord."

[2 Corinthians 3:18]

Just when I feel like falling down and giving up, You show me what to do and why I need not worry.. Your Grace is definitely sufficient enough for me and Your Love is more than I could ever hope or ask for.. You know exactly when to speak to me and when to show me Your mercy.. Thank You, as I really needed some assurance right about now.. =)

I can now rest with a peaceful heart, knowing just how much You love me.. Amen~

Leg Decoration

I love football but I hate the injuries that come with it.. For some reason, I seem to be the one being targeted the most.. But lately, a couple of my other teammates seem to kena also.. lol.. I guess it's starting to spread evenly around.. hahahaha.. Okay la, no laughing matter cuz injuries are not cool, especially serious ones..

We played our 3rd league game today.. Drew 2-2.. Wasn't exactly a vintage performance from us and we could have done better, should have done better but I guess not losing is good enough.. =) I just got back and I'm gonna take my shower and eat my dinner after this but I just had to post up this pic of the bruise I got today from a tackle by the opposition team who's boot stud left a nice red mark on my right leg.. hahaha.. It's actually a pretty nice shape but hurts like sh*t!!~ lol..

Quite nice right? Can't see that clearly though.. In real life, quite nice bentuk.. =p

Anyways, thankfully it's not as bad as my previous injuries and this one should heal up nicely in a couple of days and I should be all okay for the next match next weekend.. =) Overall, it wasn't a good game for me personally but I'm happy with the point cuz we were losing and we ended up drawing! hehehe..

Gonna enjoy a nice night today and end it with a nice chat with my baby and then a good night's sleep! Hope you guys had a good weekend yourselves.. =)