Sunset

"Watch me disappear into the sunset"

If you wondered what happened to my previous posts, well, I deleted all of em.. I guess I just realised that it wasn't the right thing to do.. Yes, I needed a place to let out stuff but those were pretty private stuff and although I'm grateful for whoever who still visits this blog, I shouldn't have made all those public.. If you would like to know in detail, we can meet up for drinks (only applicable to friends that I'm close with and know, not random blog readers ya~ lol) and I can tell you about it.. =) it would be more appropriate that way.. So to those concerned, I'm sorry..

Anyways, my upcoming entries will prolly just be about random stuff as I've not done anything like that in awhile and I think it's just what I need at the moment, the blog too~ XD will still blog about life events but appropriate ones from now on.. haha

This won't be a long blog post so I think I'm just gonna say here that everything is fine and I'm okay.. =) Watch me kick on from here on and wish me luck~

17 Again

No, it's not the movie 17 Again that has Zac Efron.. It's because today is me and Rae's 17th month together!!~ XD hehehhe.. yeah, shut up la you guys!~ I know I've been posting on almost every single monthliversary but I like to so sue me! hahaha.. =p No, please don't sue me.. It was just a figure of speech okay?

Anyways, can't be posting long posts now coz I've got a meeting to attend to right now so another time la.. =)

Happy 17th Month to you baby!~ =) can't wait to see you again~ I miss you and I love you~ =)

Cavatina

For those of you who don't know 'Cavatina,' it's a really nice composition by Stanley Myers. It was composed for the movie called, 'The Deer Hunter.'

Cavatina

I 1st heard it about 5 years ago when I was listening to some of my parents old classical cds and I immediately like it. Back then, I was just starting to appreciate the sound of the guitar more and I became more interested in learning how to play it properly. Before that, I already knew how to play the guitar but just the normal standard chords.. I can't even remember the names of the slightly more advanced ones and I had no idea what some chords were called.. I just knew the finger positioning of it.. hahaha.. Yeah, back when I was just a dumb kid who was happy playing whatever he knew how to play.. =)

For as long as I can remember, I've been a big fan of the guitar.. I just didn't have much interest in playing it when I was much younger.. Mainly coz the guitar I have at home are for right handers and I'm left handed.. Plus, it was pretty big for me back then.. hahaha.. But as the years went by, I became more and more interested and at one point, I just thought to myself, "What the heck" and picked up the guitar and started playing it like a right handed person would.. It was damn weird at 1st coz it just felt weird.. lol.. But then I looked up the basic chords from the beginners book that my brother and sister bought and taught myself the basic chords like C, G, D, A, F and all that.. Then I just started learning simple songs that I could pick out by ear..

BUT, it was hard and I guess I just wasn't spirited enough back then and finally, the interest died down and until this day, I'm still considered a beginner at playing the guitar, although if you count from the year that I 1st started playing until now, it's been almost 8 years.. hahaha.. =p yeah yeah, I suck, I know.. shut up~ XD

I hardly play the acoustic and classical guitar anymore coz my acoustic guitar is close to being deemed unplayable and I don't have a classical guitar anymore so most of the time, I'm just playing my electric guitar to the rock songs that I love listening to like Creed, Alter Bridge, Silverchair, Nickelback and such.. I realised that those are really great outlets whenever I'm feeling frustrated or angry and it helps to just blast the amp on full.. =)

However, I realised too that nothing calms me down more than these old classical music.. Call me old fashion or an old guy, whatever but I really do appreciate their melody and sound.. It really helps you to just calm down and relax and that helps alot, especially when really stressed out! So now, I'm planning (and I really do hope to stick to it) on picking up the acoustic and classical guitar once more.. I've probably rusted a lot to the point that I'll need to be scrapped and sprayed back again to be okay so I guess it's back to the basics! hahaha.. =p but if you guys watch the videos below, (btw the guy playing in there is a really talented classical player) you'll understand why I'd love to learn how to play like that so that I can actually play myself and not have to listen to others play.. Despite feeling good listening to others play, it brings greater satisfaction when you play it yourself.. =) and you tend to embrace and enjoy better.. Kinda like have a bit more soul, you know?

Over The Rainbow

Tears In Heaven

Air

Pretty nice eh? =) I like the way these ppl can really get so into their playing.. The way they play, you can really see just how much soul and passion is being put into the playing.. They're really feeling the song and I'd love to be able to play like that.. I hope someday I'll reach that level of playing.. It'll be nice to just sit outside on my balcony, with a nice breeze blowing, playing away while watching the sun rise or the sun set.. It'll be a perfect setting.. =)

Well anyways, it's getting late and I've got a morning meeting to go to so, best hit the sack now.. At the moment, it's just nice listening to all these classical music to help ease with things going on at the moment.. It's not been easy with Rae working really long hours as she's busy and by the time she gets back, she's all tired and needs her rest so I haven't gotten the chance to see her much or even talk to her much so it's been hard coz I really miss her a lot.. But this week is her last week so hopefully, there are time to catch up on before she heads back to Aussie in less than 4 weeks time.. =(

Well, hope all's well with everyone and welcome to any new ppl reading my blog.. ;)

Untitled

"LORD, strengthen me please..."

From Where You Are

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah I miss you

So far away from where you are
I'm standing underneath the stars
And I wish you
Were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

And I miss you
And I wish you
Were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you
Were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

Yeah I miss you
And I wish you
Were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you
Were here

Alpha & Omega

With every beginning comes an end. But with every end dawns a new beginning. I guess that's pretty much the cycle of life. Something starts, something happens in your life and you embrace it, take it in your stride and ride it out until the day comes when that thing has to leave you or when it's time is up. Sometimes it's easier to let go, other times you feel as if it never left. It depends on what it is really. School starts when you're 7 and ends when you're 17. If you had a good school life, you'd probably miss it and thus it never really leaves you coz you never forget the good times that you had. If you were always slacking in class, nobody liked you and you liked nobody, then school would probably have been forgotten the moment you sat for your last SPM paper.

Right now, the time has come where some things will end in my life. Not really fully sure what will but I just have a feeling that something will. Most probably it would be my current job. I mean, I'm grateful to have a job where I have flexible hours and most of the time, stationed at home, only having to go out for meetings and checking up on printing stuff. It's enabled me to be close with my family and help to look after my parents and lil bro while at the same time, earn money to support them. It's been a blessing for the past few years but honestly, reaching the age that I am at right now, I can't go on like this. I mean, it would be nice to continue having flexible working hours and all but with my salary, I can only do so much with it. I've reached a time where I have to plan for my immediate and long term future. Where in another 4-6 years time, I would like to be more stable financially and be in a position where I can settle down and start my own family. Though I'd like not to admit it, I'm not a kid anymore. I've been a full adult for the past 3 years now! hahaha. About time to start thinking and acting like one. =)

So I've been on something like a job hunt. Looking at job offers not just in Selangor but overseas like in Australia or the UK. I believe that I should not limit myself and be more open minded to possibilities that might occur. I mean, right now my main objective is to get a job in the same line as I am in now but no one can predict the future and I might end up doing something totally different or even playing football professionally for a good few years or just doing something else that I love but never expected to make a career out of it. You know, possibilities like that.

People around me have made plans about their lives and it's about time I did the same for myself. Can't be left behind now, can I? hahaha.. =)

But for the time being, before any of that happens, I'm just gonna take it a day at a time, enjoy what's happening now, try not to have any regrets, do anything stupid or screw anything up. Despite things always having to have an ending, I definitely would like things to end properly, in a good way. Where in years to come, I can look back on it and smile and say to myself, "Those were good times.. =)"

It's true when they say that life is predictable to be unpredictable. You certainly can't tell what's going to happen. But I like to think that with God on your side, you can always believe that the unpredictable would be something good for you in the end. =) and that's what I'm believing for in the future that despite not knowing what's goin to happen to me, it's gonna turn out to be something good in the end. I guess the moment I stop believing in that, is when life starts to turn sour. After all, He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. For He was, He is and He always will be. =) I take great comfort in that coz I know He has the final say in my life and it's good!

I've been straying for the past few months, especially with uncertainty clouding my judgments. Saying things I'm not supposed to say, thinking things I'm not supposed to think. Having doubts about stuff and feeling lost, confused and broken. It's been a pretty hard time for me the past few weeks. But I guess there's never really a time to feel sorry for yourself or make yourself seem like the victim. Coz then you'll lose the will and determination to get back up on your feet. It took me awhile to learn that and it's also taken me a long time to learn that you can only get so far with your own effort. For me, it's about doing what you can and what you should but not fully believing that it all lies on you but with the grace, favour and love from our Heavenly Father, Yahveh. It's stated in the Bible that a single favour from Him is worth 10 years of labour. That's a lot! =)

I'm gonna stop my self pity now and pick myself up. It's not easy to smile in the face of adversity but a smile is probably the beginning at the end of something bad. =)

To my readers, my friends and my loved ones, I thank you for always being there for me. I hope for continued support and hopefully, everything will just pan out nicely. Oh yeah, do pray for me regarding the whole new job thingy ya? =) and all of you are always in my prayers too! =) Thanks~

Emotions

I've been told that I'm an emotional guy.. Sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing, other times I wonder if it's a bad thing.. I agree that I really do let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.. Maybe that's why people see me as someone who's serious when doing certain things, even when I'm not supposed to be that serious.. But it's just coz I let my emotions flow freely.. It's just that sometimes I tend to let it take over me and my thoughts..

Yes, I can be pretty sensitive at times and it's not exactly a trait that I wish to show or express often.. But more often than not, it comes out and shows itself whether I like it or not..

Recent events have not helped in me keeping it all in.. Well, I still keep it in as in I don't really show it on the outside but as days go by and with each day seemingly, gradually not showing any signs of improvement, it's getting a bit hard keeping it in.. I feel like soon, something small can just trigger it and everything will just come out.. I seriously it doesn't come to that and that in time, I'll be able to just cool it all down and let it slip away slowly, quietly..

I don't like what's happening at the moment and it's not something that is helping me to focus on things that I should be focusing on but I guess once an obstacle passes, another one will just come to take its place and it's just a matter of how we overcome each obstacle as it comes.. Nothing is easy in this world except believing in the words of God and even that, a lot of people find it hard but the Bible does say that it is the easiest thing to do.. Trust in Him and give everything to Him and He'll do the rest and rest assured, it's what best..

I know I'm not the only one going through this at the moment but it feels like I'm the one that's on the worse receiving end although it may not necessarily be true.. But, that's just the emotions and sensitivity doing its part in making me think / feel that I am.. Be it true or not, it's not really for me to judge.. All I can do is just try to make it feel better so it doesn't hurt the way it does at the moment.. Yeah, that's what I should be doing right now.. =)

For those of you who have no idea what I'm babbling about, don't bother cracking your head about it ya? It's my blog so I just wanna rant out.. It seems to be the only place I can do so at the moment anyways.. Kinda feels like my sanctuary for the time being..

Anyways, another week has come and pass quite fast I must say.. I hope this finds you all in a good weekend.. =)

Blackbird

Lately, I've been feeling kinda down.. For some reason (well, actually I know the reason but I ain't gonna post it up here.. hahaha) I just don't have the mood to do anything at all.. Even playing football / futsal just doesn't cheer me up like how it usually does.. And I don't think things will get any better any time soon.. Well, not in the next month or two la at least.. But I do hope that it won't drag me down any further.. Things have been hard I guess.. I seriously just don't have the mood to do anything.. Even when I do my work, it's just for the sake of finishing up but then again, I've kinda lost the joy / thrill for it for quite some time already.. =S

Right now, I just wish I could go somewhere far by myself.. Maybe to a hill / mountain or to the beach or something and just sit there, take in the atmosphere, the calmness that it brings and get lost into the surroundings.. I'd bring my guitar along with me and just let out the emotions trapped inside of me in the form of lyrics and melody.. That's another thing that has been going on lately.. I've been filled with so many words inside of my head but the moment I pick my guitar up to start writing, it just disappears.. All of it! And it's frustrating that way.. Since I can't seem to write any songs at the moment, I'd just jam along to songs that I know and most recently, I've been jamming on my guitar to Alter Bridge's Blackbird.. I really like the way it sounds, the lyrics, melody, beat and all.. =) suits my mood right now..

The willow it weeps today
A breeze from the distance is calling your name
Unfurl your black wings and wait
Across the horizon it's coming to sweep you away
It's coming to sweep you away

Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never
Be broken again

The fragile cannot endure
The wrecked and the jaded a place so impure
The static of this cruel world
Cause some birds to fly long before they've seen their day
Long before they've seen their day

Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never
Be broken again

Beyond the suffering you've known
I hope you find your way
May you never
Be broken again

Ascend may you find no resistance
Know that you've made such a difference
All you leave behind will live to the end
The cycle of suffering goes on
But the memories of you stay strong
Someday I too will fly and find you again

Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never
Be broken again

I like how Myles started the song using the intro from The Beatles' own song called Blackbird too.. Fits in nicely.. =) One thing that ruined this vid for me was the stupid echos which the editors added in.. There weren't any echos during the live performance.. =S Oh, I also found a proper vid of "In Loving Memory"~~~ hahahha.. The ones I find are always acoustic version but this one comes with distortion and follows the recorded version~ XD



Again, damn nice vid but the echo spoils it a little.. haih.. =( but, nice vid nontheless~ XD hahahha

Okay la, I shouldn't be laughing when this is a not so happy post.. =p lol..

You know, at times it gets better, but other times, it just feels so hard.. Everything that you've been planning and stuff just doesn't come into plan anymore, you get it? It's like, all of it doesn't matter anymore and you just gotta scratch everything and come up with a new plan, a new view of things and it's not easy.. Then again, I guess a lot of things are never easy in this life.. But that's what makes us grow stronger, doesn't it?

When nothing else seems to work, music somehow always does.. (for some reason, that didn't sound grammatically correct.. lol) and I'm finding my solace in that now.. =) of course, prayers and talking to God tops that! hahahaha.. Brian, if you're reading this, you have been fooled~ XD Of course God comes 1st before music man.. No matter what, He's always the best comfort.. =)

It's been a ride in the cross country roads so far but hopefully, I'll get to the highway and it'll be smooth driving for awhile.. =) I will miss the scenery of the cross country roads but sometimes, it's better for the car while driving on the highway, don't you think so? ;)